We Have a Date!

The average gestation for twins is 35 weeks.

The standard “latest” is the singleton average of 40 weeks.

We’re into week 37.

Normally at this point, a preggers woman would be preparing for induction (making the body begin the labor process), as the twins’ and woman’s bodies can only take so much. Of course, going to the full 40 weeks is totally possible, but it’s a fairly uncomfortable waiting time.

Today is April 5. A little over a week ago, our babies’ ultrasound measurements placed them at over 6 lbs. (Baby A), and over 7 lbs. (Baby B). Both of these weights are pretty good for singletons, and phenomenal for twins. We and the doctor agreed: the buns were about done baking.

I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge my wife, Kat. She only stopped going to her office a few days ago, and is still working from home. Counting babies, placenta, fluids, and so on, she has been lugging around roughly 55 lbs. of added weight like it was a fanny pack. Morning sickness? Three days. Back pain? Bearable. Emotions? Well in check. Bladder? Well, yeah, that’s got about a billion pounds of baby on it, so there are a lot of bathroom visits. Stretch marks? Barely.

Basically, she is the pregnant woman 90% of all other pregnant women envy. She’s rocking twins better than most women rock singletons. That’s not just my opinion; this is what we both hear from every single other woman who knows about pregnancy.

As she, her doctor, and I (note: I was the first one) say: she’s “good at pregnancy.” I guess if you’re going to be good at something, that’s pretty much the best thing, followed maybe by parenting or Pitfall on Atari.

All that said, we (doctor, she, and I) decided that it would be best for all involved if labor was induced fairly soon. This does add some possible complications: the odds of a c-section (which we’d like to avoid) go up, and of course using chemicals to force a body into labor isn’t preferable.

Still, we had the choice of doing this on our “twin due date,” a day before our doctor goes on vacation, using a new doctor while ours was gone, or risking waiting until she came back, which means the babies would be at the point of sending applications to colleges, hoping for Ivy League but willing to settle for state schools.

We opted for the earlier, least-complicated choice.

So as of this post, we’ll be inducing labor in five days on April 10, 2014.

Sure, these sci-fi level monstrous babies might decide to rip their way to freedom sooner, but as they seem content hatching their plans for world domination inside the womb, we apparently need to coax them out. Waving slices of Jamón serrano around Kat’s crotch while she sleeps hasn’t done much more than leave some rather heinous grease stains on our sheets, so we’re going to try Oxytocin.

And just like that, our babies’ stocks in Big Pharma goes up. Clever little beasts.

Good news: we have a pretty good idea of when we’ll have external babies.

Bad news: not as natural as we’d like.

Still, there’s something exciting (read: horrifying) about having a date to plan on having these kids. We’re ready, and knowing (roughly) when they’ll be here…honestly, it’s kind of neat. Having a countdown. A target. Like Christmas, but with screaming and horrible pain and then poop and stuff.

In case you didn’t pick up on it, we’re ready. A lot of stuff in our lives we’d like to have better, but we’re all over putting two wonderful humans out there in the world.

Five days. Shit…


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