The Twins are Here!

Oh man…

The last few days have gone by in more of a flurry than I could ever have predicted. Sure, people give out with the
“you’ll be so busy, you have no idea, oh my God, say goodbye to getting anything done, get your sleep now, yadda yadda yadda.” I took the advice/warnings/annoying claptrap with about a thousand grains of salt, seeing as how I knew better. There was a blend of arrogance (“I’ll show them how it’s done!”), and adorable naivete (“I should plan on a diaper change taking two minutes. You know what? Three to be safe.”).

My original plan was to write blog posts in phases: hospital time, getting home, life with twins, family visiting, etc. Then I had two babies on my hands, and just like that, it’s eight days later and I’m just now free enough and caught up on sleep enough (read: not deliriously exhausted) to get some writing in. Started a post about life as a new and adorably naive dad, and as soon as I become a dad, I don’t have time to write about it. Ironic, n’este-ce pas?

This being the case, I’m going to get things caught up with bullet points, which are pretty much the coolest points to use in lists.

  • we decide to induce labor
  • our OB breaks her foot and will no longer be dealing with us up to and including delivery
  • we go to St. Joseph’s hospital in Tacoma, WA to begin induction
  • induction drugs are administered
  • two days (spent entirely in the hospital) of induction medicine fail to start labor
  • we decide to go with a c-section, because get the eff out
  • c-section is had
  • the man who has never so much as held a baby is presented with his first (although second-born) son
  • the love is instantaneous and unconditional, but I stand by my opinion that newborn babies are disgusting

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She’d go on to miss the excruciating backaches.

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 Luckily, we were already wearing our surgical trappings. 

In case you missed it, we never found out the genders of our twins. I opted out of cutting the cords and being the one to announce the genders, partly because I wanted to be closer to Kat and available to her, but mostly because gross.

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“When I was a kid you could buy this slime in a can for use with the Ghostbusters action figures. No idea what just brought that to mind. Oh, and our babies are beautiful.”

IMG_5583See? Gross.

This is when we finally learned that we had two boys. Baby A (now “M”)came first and clocked in an ounce shy of six pounds. M was also a little shy in the oxygen department when he came out, so he got a face full of the good stuff while is brother was being born.

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“This is the worst hookah party ever.”

Baby B (now “C”) arrived at seven pounds four ounces, although three ounces of that were just his trademark scowl.

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Brow furrows are the love handles of the face.

Being handed a baby – my baby – to hold for the first time was life-changing. To say I was overcome with emotion is like saying someone got squished when an aircraft carrier got dropped on them. There’s just a whole new emotion beyond joy that I felt when the first baby I ever held was mine. (I got my hands on C first, as M was getting his oxygen on.)

I also got to hold the babies up for Kat to give them a kiss. I mean, I didn’t kiss them, because gross, but she seemed to enjoy it.

IMG_5616 IMG_5605 IMG_5617 IMG_5623 IMG_5624

You get the idea.

After some early sleepless nights (literally, in Kat’s case, largely in mine) due to “cluster feeding,” we managed to get home with our little bundles of joy. Drooling, screaming, meconium-pooping bundles of joy.

As of this post, the sleep situation has improved slightly, and with luck I’ll be able to keep up on this, the associated Twitter handle, and my Tumblr.

For now, though, I’ll leave you with pictures, because why else would you be here?

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His final name barely beat out Plotsy von Watchyourback…

2014-04-12 16.27.53...and Cutie McAngelface is just too common.

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These are some very different individuals. True, we did IVF, so this was to be expected, but as good v. evil as their faces are, I still can’t help but feel like this is part of some extra-terrestrial plot.

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“You WILL bow down before me, Jor-El!”

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“Hey girl.”

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“…the same thing we do every night, Pinky…”

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On a serious note, we really owe a debt of gratitude to the doctors, nurses, technicians, cooks, janitors, valets (seriously), and other staff members of the St. Joseph Medical Center (part of the Franciscan Healthcare System) who made our procedures and stay largely comfortable. Special thanks to Dr. Robert Holland, the surgeon who performed our c-section. I found this lobby sign a few days later, and you know if they’re going to make a theater sign for the guy, he must be pretty good. Not framed poster good, but good.

Until next time…

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