Elmocation

Before the boys were born, I was the best dad ever. My kids were never going to eat anything but homemade, organic, mostly vegetarian food. They’d never know who Ronald McDonald was. I would take them to kid gyms and classes every day. They would never watch TV.

Turns out, constraints on time and finances relegated some of those to the “A guy can dream” file.  The last one, though, was something I thought I could pull off. I couldn’t, and it’s actually made me pretty bummed.

sad dad

I’m next month’s centerfold.

Granted, I knew the kids would watch some TV. We do watch TV in our house, and this is a world of screens, so winding up looking at moving pictures on a screen was, of course, inevitable. That said, I feel like we’re in dangerous territory.

When the boys were newborns, I could throw stuff on in the background because they could barely see, let alone realize I was watching campy ’80s slasher flicks in their presence. When they got older, we allowed some Caspar Babypants music videos (if you haven’t checked him out, do yourself a favor and do), but that was about it.

Somewhere along the line, a certain little red monster from Sesame Street made an appearance on our TV. Yes, Elmo was here, and we’re the ones who invited him in.

elmo

“Ta-da, bitches!”

There are a lot of compelling reasons why Elmo appeals to toddlers while making parents want to throttle the Muppet until the puppeteer’s wrist snaps. From his bright red color to his child-like speech patterns to that piercing falsetto that is something akin to the Son of Sam talking to his neighbor’s dog.

elmo

“Burn it all down, Mr. Robb.”

Suddenly, the kids demanded more and more Elmo. Elmo was one of C’s first words (well, okay, he says “Ello”), and sometimes the choice between watching Elmo or riding out the tantrum fell on the side of peace. Naturally, the kids went all Pavlovian on us and can throw some epic tantrums in order to see their favorite little red beast.

elmo-plush-deluxe-infant-costume-bc-38699

The fact that he swallows kids whole like a python doesn’t seem to put them off at all.

So, is it so bad to have a couple of tots watching an “educational” program for, at most, a couple of hours a day, a few days a week? It depends who you ask. You can find plenty of opinions saying that it’s totally okay, like this, this, and this, but you can find at least as many opinions stating that any TV before your kids are old enough to write a college thesis on what they’re watching, like this, this, and this. Hell, even publications like Psychology Today can’t agree on whether or not TV will turn your kids’ brains into mousse, or into a flexed bicep of intelligence.

When we switched to toddler beds due to the boys’ penchant for going all Houdini in their cribs, they stopped taking naps, as to leave them alone in their room meant a total disassembling of the same. It was easier to simply handle them for 1-3 hours a day rather than invest time and money into converting our guest room into a second nursery or watching them turn their present room into a cinematic tornado cliché.

This means that I (SAHD, here) have 1-3 hours or so of extra time with the boys. Yep, 12-13 hours a day alone with just the lads. That’s a long time to spend with anyone, let alone two-year-olds.

I’m a human. I have responsibilities as a “homemaker” and a (minute) wage-earner. I also like to sit down by myself for a few minutes to relax or fire off some emails or eat without being spotted by my kids and having to hand over my food. Sometimes just having the boys nap for a half-hour bought me enough sanity to make up for whatever else I’d been put through during the day.

When naps went bye-bye, I looked for other ways to keep the boys occupied while I did the things that I needed to do outside of being 100% involved with them. What I needed was a nanny.

elmo2

“Mr. Robb is looking for talking plush toy with no concept of pronouns? Elmo is Mr. Robb’s monster!”

More and more, Elmo was tossed on in the background merely to keep the kids occupied while I washed dishes or made lunch or curled up in a ball and wept about my failure as a parent. Soon, as with most drugs, an hour’s worth of Elmo didn’t cut it any more. Suddenly, I was putting on the Little Baby Bum and Mother Goose Club videos of children’s public domain songs. When these grew old, Monsters, Inc. went into the DVD player and became a staple in the stable. I tried introducing various Disney movies and other kids’ fair as a sort of cinematic methadone, but to no avail. We always wind up back with Elmo.

So for now, we’re sharing parenting duties with an admitted monster and various other programs. I absolutely don’t begrudge people who have their kids watch more TV than I do, and I I know that TV is okay in moderation.I also know that Elmo is actually fairly educational, but dammit man, I feel like I’m doing the boys a disservice every time I turn on the TV in order to buy an hour or two of non-toddler time..

 

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5 thoughts on “Elmocation

  1. Hey there, I enjoyed reading this, as your writing is great and very entertaining. I know too well that terrible feeling of second guessing every decision you make for your kids and thinking it’s never enough. When you have twins, there are going to have to be some compromises to maintain your sanity and the order of your home. You’re doing a great job! My hubby is a stay at home dad with our girls as well.

      • Of course, because you want the best for your kids! We do the same thing, and I’m constantly having to put things into perspective for myself. I even often feel guilty about the time I spend pumping breast milk for them, since I can’t really hold them or have quality interaction with them at the same time (and they were real hit or miss with breastfeeding since they were preemies). I constantly question if I’d be a better parent if I switched to formula. I could spend more time cuddling them or playing with them. Or I’ll feel guilty for making one twin wait while I comfort the other or not being able to pick them both up at the same time, constantly feeling torn between the two and like I may be neglecting one to care for the other. But I try to put it into perspective and reassure myself that we’re doing the best we can for them, we definitely give a damn, and at the end of the day, it’s definitely superior to a daycare where their needs are competing with a greater number of children per caregiver. I know daycare is necessary for so many families, but if it’s feasible, nobody can meet a child’s needs like a loving, engaged parent.

      • I can only speak for me, but a part of me feels like after going through the hell of infertility, I need to go above and beyond. We went through so much, I put pressure on myself to make sure the boys are well taken care of. I know all parents feel that way, and I can’t explain why I feel like it’s different, but I think I worry that after going through so much and trying so hard, I don’t want to wind up taking the kids for granted. I know all parents feel that way, so I dunno. I can say I feel guilty about taking time for me, even if it’s to get something important done, because I worry that there might be something I’m neglecting if I do. I feel guiltiest of all on the days where I just need a break from the boys in general because I hit a wall.

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