Puerto Rico

In case you missed it because you have a life and have better things to pay attention to than our family’s goings-on, Kat and I finally managed to take a “honeymoon” 10 years late, because having twin two-year-olds actually makes taking a vacation less challenging, apparently.

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“No, go; we got this.”

We decided to head for Puerto Rico, as it was far enough away and exotic enough to feel foreign, but since it’s a U.S. territory, we could let loose without looking like douchey American tourists. Well, more than we would otherwise.

I’m not one of those real bloggers who takes time each night to write about their adventures from the day (hell, I barely manage a post a month), and we packed a fair amount into our trip, so there’s a lot to go over. That said, I’m lazy and short on time, and, let’s face it, most people haven’t even read this far, so who wants to slog through details of someone else’s vacation? Nobody, that’s who.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I am going to post some of my favorite pictures here, so I can at least prove that we were there. All links are to reviews of the associated businesses I posted on Yelp, so if you feel like fleshing out those thousand words a little bit, check them out.

Now, thousands upon thousands of words, all in .JPG form! Enjoy!

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Pre-flight beverages in the airport: Coffee for her, because she needed to wake up, and liquor for me, because I was about to get into a metal tube of fuel and ride it 30,000 feet in the air over the ocean, and eff that noise.

El Yunque Rainforest Inn B&B

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Breakfast on day one at our B&B: Vegetarian burrito, fruit skewer, vegetarian sausage patties, and homemade hot sauce. Yum dialed up to 11.

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The sign before the waterfall/pool at the end of the private hike on property. We did!

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Check out those Pacific Northwest tans! #pasty

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Fairly deep natural pool on top of a freaking mountain. Pictured: A dip taking a dip.

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Some of the jungle on the Machete Trail, a private hike on the private property of El Yunque Rainforest Inn.

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View from the common patio.

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See “Dip…” above.

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Stuffed French toast and vegetarian sausage. This is breakfast on day three; on day two we left before breakfast, so they prepared a to-go breakfast for us the night before!

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The patio of our room, “The Villa.”

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Shared dining/lounge area.

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If you don’t like lizards, don’t stay…well, anywhere south of Georgia, really.

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Food Kiosks at Luqiollo

There’s a set of food “kiosks” at Luquillo Beach; think a strip mall of nothing but restaurants. The best we ate at was Wepa Arepa, but alas. I was so consumed with consuming the food that I failed to take any pictures. I did manage to snap some pics of the food at Coral Seafood, the most meh food we had on our trip.

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A plantain stuffed with beef and topped with American cheese. They were kind enough to microwave it before they handed it to me.

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A crab taco and a pork pastry thing. See “meh” above.

Castillo San Cristobal and Castillo San Filipe del Morro

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Puerto Rico used to be one of Spain’s most important territories, as it offered a nice spot in between Europe and South America for ships to do ship stuff. Naturally, they fortified the hell out of it. 

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The Spanish watchtowers are so iconic in the Caribbean that they grace everything from license plates to maps. In the right light, they appear to be big stone middle fingers to the rest of Colonial Europe. 

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“Eff you, Netherlands!”

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The men’s room has quite a view…

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…But if you think that means it’s legal to pee off the balcony, you’d be wrong. Very, very wrong.

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Even the view back into the restroom is vintage!

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During WWII, America added extensions on to both forts. I like how the new turrets actually blend in pretty well with the original structures.

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Old Town San Juan (in no particular order)

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The Carmelo Anthony charity basketball court, surrounded by the walls of fort El Morro.

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At the birthplace of the pina colada, we also tried tostones stuffed with chicken…

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…and some of the best fried grouper I’ve tried.

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At Cathedral of San Juan Bautista lie the remains of Ponce de Leon. [insert fountain of youth joke here]

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In the lobby of the CasaBlanca Hotel. I don’t know the name of the movie they were showing in the lobby, but it looked good…

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From the roof of the CasaBlanca Hotel.

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You know when you’re on the roof of your hotel and you’re like “Man, I wish there were some bathtubs up here so I can hang out in cool water and hang out?” Good news!

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Greengos, an eco-conscious Tex-Mex joint serving great food and margaritas made with house-infused tequila. 

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I got steak nachos. They were OMG phenomenal, and I brought great shame on my family by not being able to finish them.

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Coffee. Somewhere.

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A la vodka pizza at Pirilo. Honestly, one of the better pizzas we’ve ever had, and it was in San Juan, no less!

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Snorkeling

A moment for mofongo: It seems that everywhere I go, there is a regional cuisine with a funny name. In Puerto Rico, it’s mofongo. Mofongo is simply a mashed plantain and garlic dish, but like “baked potato,” it can mean a lot of things. Load it up with whatever you want, and you still have mofongo. While nearly every restaurant has mofongo on the menu, we were lucky enough to try it at a joint called Desperado.Mounds of mofongo smothered in shrimp in rich gravy (her) and skirt steak in sauce (I). If you make it to PR, make sure to try mofongo, and you could do worse than Desperado.

You people: Hit up Puerto Rico. It’s a lovely island that only looks like it isn’t lovely.

 

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